You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
