Screwed.edu
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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