I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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