I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
