I think I won the penis lottery.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
