u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I believe in your delicious
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
