I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
