Plan B is the new Plan A
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
