you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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