Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
So vagazzling was a success
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
