I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
