I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
