I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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