My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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