i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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