He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
third nipple confirmed
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Drunk is not a location!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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