whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
