I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
