So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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