i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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