She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
