I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
