i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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