I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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