it wasn't lemon gatorade
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
