Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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