does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
