Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
