the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
