Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
