susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
