New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
