Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
