she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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