you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
