he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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