A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
