So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We are two peas in an std pod
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
