WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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