god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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