so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
