I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
