i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
