someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
