im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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