Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
