you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
