and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
