Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
