just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
