We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
