Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
